Battles United!
by heavensong
Summary: Zim and Dib hafta teamup to save the universe from another invading race, but there's something familiar about their leader. The battle begins as Irkens and humans unite! NOT A ZaDR!
1. Ch1 Banana

Yay! This is my first fanfiction that I have actually posted ever!Please do not flame and PLEEEZE read and review! If you do, chances are I will come check out your fics too!

**Disclaimer**:I do not own Invader Zim, Dib, Venus, Yellow socks, or anything related to the above listed. Excapt for the socks. I do own some non-yellow socks.

**Battles United**

_By: Heavensong_

**Chapter 1: Beggining of the End?**

:Inside The Massive's control room:

The Tallest Purple and Tallest Red were watching a large computer moniter while eating some pizza. They both have serious looks on their faces (Despite the pizza sauce smears).On the screen there is another Irken. (Perhaps an invader?)

"So what you're saying is that now there's some type of advanced alien race trying to conquer the universe? You mean besides _us_!" The Tallest Purple questioned

"Yes."The irken on screen replied

"And they're taller than _us?_" Said a very astonished Red.

The Irken on the screen just stared blankly back at the Tallest.

"YES! I've been saying this for the last hour! Do you understand? We are in great danger, their weapons are much superior to ours and their intellegence is greater than even our top scientists'! We'll need to send many scores of troops to different planets for the battles. The worst of the battles will most likely be on a planet called Venus. It's very close to their first target. _Earth_. The atmosphere there is very harsh and will make landing the ships extremely hard."

"Well then, we'll be needing a plan now won't we? But since this is such dangerous mission, we'll have to send someone either incredibly cunning, or incredibly stupid and reckless into the battle. Or _maybe_ even someone we hate!"Red mischeiviously replied.

"ZIM!" They replied in unision.

:Back on Earth in Zim's Lab:

" I will surely accomplish this mission as best as I can my Tallest!" Zim had just finished talking to the Tallest when he heard a loud crash. He whirled around to find Gir playing in a trashcan filled with mechanical parts from the Lab.

"Gir! What are you doing?"

"YAaay! I'm swimming!"

Zim just sighed and turned to face another project he was working on. "Sometimes that little robot worries me..."

Gir finally got bored and left to cause more havoc somewhere else while Zim continued working in private, all safe and happy-like.But was he really alone? Well technically he _was, _but still, just because he was alone doesn't mean Zim wasn't being watched. And he was. A small camera had fallen out of the trashcan that Gir had been playing in. (And I don't think I need to tell you who was watching. Oh wait! Yes I do! I'm the author, stupid me! o.O)

Well, Listening in on the whole thing was Dib. He had locked himself away in his room so that he could work on decoding the Irken text files from Tak's ship when suddenly,his computer began picking up transmissions from an old camera thrown away by Zim that somehow still worked. ( A miracle from God perhaps?) The operating system was the same as Dib's and just happened to be hooked up to his computer.

Dib had heard Zim's entire conversation with the Tallest word for word and was quite happy that his camera had picked that up, but he still needed to do something about the whole invasion thingy.

"How am I supposed to save the world from _another_ invading race when I have enough trouble with just Zim?"Dib jumped up from his chair and began to pace around his room."What am I gonna do?"Just then a thought entered his mind. He _couldn't _do it alone, he would need help. But where to start...

:On the Playground at School:

Zim was standing by himself around the decripid, rusty monkey bars contemplating his mission when Dib ran up to him.

He was surprised of course, but also angered that someone should _dare _interrupt his train of thought.

"What do YOU want, foolish earth monkey?"Zim growled.

"Zim! I can't believe I'm saying this but I need your help!"

"_ME_? Help _YOU_? Why would I do that?"

"Because! You need my help too. I overheard your conversation with your leaders and you'll need reinforcements!" Dib exclaimed.

Zim just stared at Dib in shock for a few moments and then shouted at him. "THAT WAS NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS!Aaargh! How did you find out?"

"Apparently there was a camera and...HEY WAIT! That's not important right now! But the invasion _is_ my buisness because Earth is their first target!"Dib paused for a moment. "By the way, what are the new invaders called anyway?"

" I dunno. The Tallest didn't tell me."Zim replied.

"Well, we'll need to work together on this one. Now how should we do this..."

"WE? What do you mean _we?_"Zim's face had a twisted look of rage on it."Zim needs no one! NO ONE!"

Dib was deep in thought and therefore ignored Zim's rantings. He started to walk away just before Zim yelled out to him.

" You win _this_ time pitiful earth child. You can help, but I'm in charge whether you like it or not!"

"Whatever. We'll need a plan though." Dib turned around to walk away again, but also to hide the huge smile spead across his face.

**To-eth be-eth Continued-eth!**

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(A/N: I hope you like this so far! I will be working on future chapters because this one may have sucked...)


	2. Ch2 Apples

Yay. Chapter two is finally up! It may not seem like much, but I worked all night on it and I'm just trying to explain most of what's going on in the story so that I don't confuse myself or anyone else! Please enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: No, I don't own Invader Zim. BUT IN MY HEAD I DO! MWA HA HA HA!...Ahem. Just read the story!

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**BattlesUnited Ch.2!**

"Why am I helping you again?" Zim was becoming frustrated with Dib constantly ignoring him. Why had he caved in so easily to Dib's stupid reasoning anyway? Maybe it was because Dib was right. Zim really did need help, the tallest were only going to assign him a small supply of weapons and an even smaller array of battle ships. And the brigade of troops he was in command of were a pretty sad bunch.

As Zim thought this over, he suddenly ran into something cold and hard. A pole. Duh-duh-DUUUHH!

"AARRRGHH! Stupid pole! How dare you smite me! Zim! Oh, you will pay..."

Zim proceeded in beating the poor pole with his fists while Dib just kept walking, deep in thought.

"Hey!" Dib shouted. "Look at that!"

Zim stopped mutilating the pole for a second and stared up at the pole. There was a large yellow flyer taped to it that was pretty hard to miss, and Dib looked very excited to see it.

"It says there's going to be a huge public meeting down at the City hall! The president will be there and everything!"

Zim looked skeptical."So?"

"Just think about it! I bet half the town will be there!"

Zim just stared at Dib for a few seconds.Silence.Dib was getting a little angry and you could tell by the look in his eyes.

"Don't you see? We could get everyone to help out in the battle. I mean, we'll need troops for this thing and how else are we going to get them? I could get over there and talk to everyone. Maybe see if they'll do it!"

"Hmmmm. That's true, but who's gonna listen to you?"

Dib scowled at Zim for his remark, and then smiled. "Don't worry, they'll listen. When it comes to saving the entire universe who _wouldn't_ help?"

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:Later, at the City Hall: 

"You're crazy!"

Dib stared in shock at the crowd of people in front of him. Their faces were etched with anger and skepticism. He couldn't believe it, how could they not understand? As Dib stood there, Zim jumped onto the stage and calmly walked over to Dib's side. Dib's eyes lit up as Zim whispered something in his ear.

"LOOK OVER THERE!" Zim suddenly shouted.

Being the geniouses that they were, the crowd of people quickly turned their heads in the direction of Zim's pointing finger. As soon as this happened, Dib sprinted over to where the president was seated and struck him over the head with an iron skillet that he had pulled out of nowhere.(Strange huh?) Naturally, when someone is smacked unconcious they collapse to the floor. This is exactly what happened to the president.(Don't ask me why the guards didn't jump in to stop this. I guess they were looking the other way too.) Just as everyone began to turn their attention back to the stage, Dib quickly propped-up the president and stood behind him.

Using the President-Man as a human puppet, Dib began to speak in a lower toned voice." People of the city! We are in a time of great danger. The boy who spoke to you earlier was telling the truth! There _are_ aliens planning attack our planet and we, uh, really need to work together to defeat them. And stuff. Listen to Dib! He knows what he's talking about." After waving the presidents arms around a bit more, Dib nervously awaited the audiences' reaction.

Surprisingly, the crowd began to cheer! They bought it! Dib set the president down on the floor and walked towards Zim.

"Can you believe they actually listened?"

"Well of course they did stupid Earth-stink! It was _my_ plan. My plans always work!"Zim struck a heroic pose and grinned as he said this.

"Suuuuure...whatever you say..."

Their plan was working. Everyone was to meet just ouside of Dib's house the next day for a brief explanation of the mission. The first obstacle in the war was over, but many more were sure to follow.

**!TO BE CONTINUED! duhduhDuhhhh!**

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_Well. That's chapter two. I hope you liked it, even though it may have been really short. Sorry about that! To make up for the crappyness and lack of humor in this chapter, I will try to post chapter three as soon as possible. And, yes, I have really noticed that I made Zim cave in super easily. I'll be sure to work on how I portray his personality! I will also try fitting in Gaz, Prof. Membrane and some more of Gir in the next chapters!_

see ya next time!-


	3. Ch3 Potato

OMG! IT'S CHAPTER THREE! I know, I know. All my readers have probably given up on this fic. because I haven't posted anything since summer started. I'm out of practice, so this might be a little OOC

Well, here's chapter three and I'm sorry it took so long. ;

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim or any of the characters in it, BUT I DO OWN YOUR SUCCULENT HEAD JUICES!

**_Battles United_**

**:chapter three:**

**:Outside Dib's house:**

Dib and a reluctant Zim had just finished re-telling the whole mission plan.(A/N:Yeah, I dun feel like rewriting all that.XD) And, well, the whole crowd was pretty, well, skeptical. But since all the people had just seen the president himself announce the comming invasion, they just went along with it all.

Just then, Dib's dad, Prof. Membrain, stepped out the front door to behold a huge crowd of strangers on his lawn.

"Now son, you know how I feel about hoards of strangers surrounding our house! Remember what happened _last _time?"

Dib turned to stare at his father."Yeah..."

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**:FLASHBACK:**

A seven year-old Dib was hiding under the couch and proffessor Membrain was standing in the doorway looking at the angry crowd of townspeople.

"Son! What did you do this time?"

Dib looked out from under the couch." I just heard a rumor from one of the kids that an alien monster that could change shape was running though the town! I didn't mean to attract such a big crowd!"

A kid yelled from the disgruntled audience.

"I was talking about a movie I saw yesterday you crazy!"

Dib blushed and laughed sheepishly. "sorry... AND I'M NOT A CRAZY!"

**:END FLASHBACK:**

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"Um, sorry dad. But this is different! There's this whole other invading race that's trying to take over the universe! Just like Zim and-" 

Dib was cut off by Zim pushing him to the ground.

"I'm sorry. He's a little delirious right now!;We'll move the earth-beasts off your lawn as soon as possible!"

Dib stood up only to be pushed over again by his scary sister walking up to the house.

"DIB! You better not have let any of these FREAKS into my room!" Gaz glared at Dib and snarled. Dib stood up again and brushed himself off.

"Why would I do that? Gaz, this is serious buisness! The world, no, THE UNIVERSE is in trouble!"

Gaz turned toward the house and then looked at Dib. "Whatever. You just better not let anyone into the house or you're _dead_!" Gaz squeezed past Prof. Membrain and slammed the door of the house.

"Geeze! Is she always like that?" Zim didn't really care, but he felt the need to say something since everyone else was so silent.

Dib just turned around and smiled. "Yeah, she is. Anyway! Zim, when are your supplies and ships going to get here?"

Just as Dib finished his sentence, a few hundred gigantic boxes fell from the sky and onto the street right in front of him.

"Oh."

Zim ran up to one of the boxes with a huge smile spread across his face. He tapped the one blue button near the bottom of the box and stood back.

"Watch this!"

Suddenly, all the boxes began to shake and the sides fell down to reveal alien technology, weapons, and massive spacships of different varieties.

"Wow..." That was all Dib could say. All the others just stared in awe for they could not fathom the advanced technology towering before them.(A/N: Oooh, sophisticated sentence!) It was too bad that professor Membrain had just walked inside and ignored everything that was going on outside. Too bad...

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:MEANWHILE: **A shadowy figure sat in an intricately mechanized control chair. Another figure, much smaller than the other walked into the light. He had dark green eyes and blueish skin. He looked a bit like the Irkens too, but he was not of the same race as the new invaders. Wrapped around him was a wrinkled violet robe and a few silver chains. 

The robed creature's mouth widened into a sharp, toothy grin. He then spoke in a raspy tone that was just barely louder than a whisper.

"Master Deshwitat. The battle is going well." His eyes narrowed a bit as he held up an ungloved hand in salute. "what should I tell our troups to do next?"

A bit of light floated over to the figure on the throne.(sp?). as if a moth lured to a bug zapper, the beam of light fizzled out just before it could reveal the creatures face.

"Hmm. Good job Larken. Let the warriors rest a while. We have plenty of time before we reach this "Venus" planet. The universe isn't going anywhere, and the inhabitants are just waiting to be conquered!" The only part you could see of the Master, were his evil eyes glinting along with his pearly white teeth.

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:BACK ON EARTH: **

Zim and Dib were assembling one of the space cannons to be attatched to the ships. In all, there were three ships, two large and one smaller sized one for cargo and weapons. They and the others were all at the city dump, packing up the ships and training with the new weapons. One of the Irken fleets sent by The Tallest had already arrived to help out with the training and work. It was all Dib could do to _not_ take thousands of photos and stash them away.

"Argh! Why can't these cannons assemble themselves if your technology is so great? These are a pain to work with!"

"I know it's hard for your tiny brain in that giant head to understand, but sometimes things have to be created manually! Just shut your noisy head-hole and hand me that wrench!" Zim was getting angry at all this work too. He hated to admit it, but there wasn't anyone else among the humans smart enough to assemble and attatch the Nero Space Cannon,or NSC, other than Dib. "Ugh." It still took forever just to haul everything over to the Junkyard.

Another Shipment of Irken soldiers arrived and walked over to help pack things into the ships with the humans. But a small group of them that stayed behind began to walk over to Zim and Dib.

"Hey! Your that Zim guy! Are you telling me that we have to work under _you_?" A tall, but missfortunate Irken happened to mess with Zim. And that was not smart at all. "And who's the big-headed weirdo? He's as short as you! Ha!"

"Hey! My head's not-"

Zim stood up and motioned to Dib to do the same. Dib looked a bit puzzled but soon caught on to Zim's plan as he noticed a gloved hand moving towards the cannon.

"So, you've decided to defy you're leader? The Tallest put me in command, and if you mess with me..." Zim smiled and whipped the cannon around with Dib standing to the side, smirking." You mess with all of us."

Zim fired the cannon, deliberately missing the outspoken soldier. The Irken just stared, shocked, as his antennia started smoking and his charred friends ran off to go help with the work like they were supposed to.

Zim and Dib smiled as he stumbled away to follow the others.

"So...ready to install the cannon?"Dib looked up at Zim

"Hm, yeah. It was fun testing it though!"

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:tO bE cOnTiNuEd:

((A/N: Well, I hope you liked chapter three! I'm already working on chapter four and now that school is starting again and there'll be less time to write, I'll probably use this as a good way to procrastinate! Well, this one wasn't that funny, but it explained a little more!))


	4. Ch4 Coconut

Hey! It's chapter four! I'm thinking of better ideas now and the story is going much smoother. I hope ya likee this chapter! By the way, I really love to read reviews, so just please read and review! I have no life and this is one of my small comforts. I might be starting another fic. soon, so keep an eye out.

Disclaimer: Me no own Invader Zim. Me no own _nothing_. Me live in cardboard box.

**Battles United**

Chapter four

**:IN THE STINKY JUNKYARD:**

Well, the supplies and weapons were all packed up and everybody was to board the ship in a few moments. Dib wandered over to where Zim was standing and stood next to him. He saw that Zim was just staring blankly up at the starlit sky and being totally silent. Silent. That's not how Dib would normally describe Zim, but that's what he was right now. He had been that way the whole week, just very quiet and thoughtful. Not ranting and insulting like he usually is.

Dib looked at Zim and then turned to stare up at the sky too. Memories rushed back at him and flooded his mind. He would always stare up at the sky like that, dreaming, wishing, wanting. The sky always seemed so inviting and open, and Dib wanted nothing more right there than to go and explore it. But that's exactly what they were about to do, Zim and Dib, temporarily at a truce. Temporarily friends even. Deep inside, he wanted it to stay that way, though Dib would never admit it to anyone, even himself. He knew they were enemies, but if Zim would just stop being evil, Dib might finally have something he'd never had before. A friend.

"Well. We should probably get going. It's gonna take a while to get to Venus."

Dib snapped out of his emotional happytime and looked back at Zim. "yeah. I guess so." Dib stared up at the sky again.

"What do you think It's like up there? On Venus I mean."

Zim seemed startled by the question. "Hm. I don't really know. I've never been there. I just hope it doesn't smell as bad as this junkyard. Or you." He smiled mockingly at Dib.

"Eh, whatever. As long as your not making fun of my head!" Dib smiled for the first time in days and ran up to one of the ships. "Let's get everyone boarded. I'll take the ship with our race, you can take the one with your Irkens."

"Are you sure you can handle those idiots? It might be hard to pilot with your annoying fellow humanoids and that silly head!"

"Oh! You Jerk!" Dib glared at Zim and then turned around to gather everyone aboard the ship. Suddenly, he felt something hard and metal crash into him! Dib whipped his head around to see a little robot smiling and thrashing aroung next to him.

"ZIM! Get your wierd little robot away from me!" Zim ran up to Gir and Dib and started shouting orders to Gir. Which he proptly ignored.

"I'ma gonna be a space-pirate!" Squeeled Gir. "And I'ma gonna fly around and be all piraty! WOO!"

"Uh..."

"Come on Gir. You're going back to the base to watch television and minimoose."

"No! I dun wanna! WAAAAAAAAA! NO! Nonononono! I wanna stay with the smelly big head!"

Gir flailed his arms and wailed some more. "Ugh. Does he hafta scream so much?" Dib and a few of the other Irkens stood around Zim and Gir, watching them shout and squirm.

"Oh all right! I'll take Gir with me just to SHUT HIM UP!" Dib sighed and wrestled Gir off of Zim's leg and brought him up to the ship. "He'll be out of my hair and your antennia if I lock him in the storage closet." Gir giggled madly as he was brought up the stairs of the ship. Clearly he was happy with the idea of the storage closet home.

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:LATER ON, IN DEEP SPACE:**

"Uuugh...Gir, or whatever it is Zim calls you. Stop bothering me!" Gir sat atop Dib's head and munched on a dirty plastic pipe, occasionally whacking it against himself and poor Dib. Only halfway there, and already Gir had gotten out of the locked and heavily guarded closet twentyfour times, wrecked a whole floor of the ship, snuck into some lady's room one night and scared her half to death by running around her in endless circles, and sang the Doom song night and day, every day, for two weeks straight. This was one CRAZY little SIR unit with an endless supply of energy, and everyone was quite sick of him.(Poor Gir, I love him too)

In the control room Dib(and Gir) sat at a large computer. He pressed a few keys on the keyboard and Zim showed up on the screen. Dib had large, dark circles under his eyes and was obviously worn out.

"Zim. Can I please transport Gir to your ship? I'm so sick of him and I haven't slept in a while." Zim stared at Dib and snickered a bit.

"My plan is working perfectly!" He smiled evilly and waited for Dib to reply.

"Zim, you didn't have a plan, and you don't now. Just take Gir AWAY. _NOW_!" Zim stopped smiling and sighed.

"Oh yeah. Whatever. Just send him over and _I'll _lock him up _good_."

Dib ripped Gir off his head and threw him into the capsule behind him. Gir just smiled and giggled maniacally, he wasn't fazed at all. After pressing a few more buttons, a flash of white light filled the pod and Gir was gone.

"AAAGH! Gir! Quit messing with that! NO! NOT THE CONTROL PANEL! STOP! NOOOOO!"

Dib turned to the computer screen and smiled as he cut the transmission. Time for some rest.

**:LATER ON, AGAIN.:**

Zim had finally gotten Gir to sleep and was looking up information on the planet Venus. "Hmmm...It seems that the atmosphere is very rough on Venus. It'll be hard landing the ships..."

Just then, Zim's thoughts were interupted be a loud and angry voice.

"So were are the snacks around here?"

Zim looked up to see a little girl with dark maroon hair and a scary expression on her pale face.

"It's the Dib-human's sister! What are you doing here?"

Gaz ignored the question and spoke again. "So, are there any videogames on this ship?"

"No! Why would there be? Ugh. You're supposed to be on the _other_ ship! Get into the transportation pod and leave me alone!" Zim scowled at Gaz as she ran a hand through her hair.

"No. I don't think I will. Get me something to eat _now_ before I tear off your skin and roll you in salt and lemon juice." She said this calmly and waited for Zim to come back with her snacks. He had already run off before she finished her sentence.

Gir woke up after a few while and followed Gaz around the ship wherever she went. She din't really seem to mind, probably because he brought her snacks whenever she asked him to go jump off a cliff. Zim was pretty happy since Gir wasn't bothering him as much, so he got to boss the troops around whenever he wanted without worrying about interruptions. And Dib was just glad to get some sleep. If your wondering about Prof. Membraine and how he doesn't seem to notice that his children are gone, well, he thinks they're at some kind of skool feild-trip. Dib and Gaz call in every once in a while to tell him everything's fine. And The Tallest are still fighting on some other planets and still going on with Impending Doom Two.(not _them_ really, but whatever.)

**:TO BE CONTINUED!:**

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(A/N: _Well, I hope you liked that! I'm proud of how fast I finished this one!_ _Once again, please read and review. Tell me what you want more of or less of and what I can improve on!_)

-Well, tata for now! I shall write again!-


	5. Ch5 Eggplant

OMG! Chapter five! I've been dead in the brain lately so I've kinda been neglecting this poor, poor fanfic of mine. Well, I've also been working on a NEW fanfic.! You'll hafta wait for more info on it later! Well, not much for me to say here exept: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! I only have a few, but they make me so happy! Thank you!

Now, I have gotten a couple of requests from friends of mine to make this a Zim and Gaz romance. (ZaGR) -----Heh, used to think that meant Zim and Gir. Creepeh.

Well, this fic wasn't intended to have any romance in it. At all. But, I dunno. I'll have to wait and see. Until then, enjoy this badly written peice of romantic-less crap!

**HelgaGP: Thank you so much for the review! I'm so inspired now, I just wanna write! You really helped me out! I hope I can do better!**

Disclaimer: I do not own invader Zim or anything from the show. I do own this story though. And several grapefruits that I like to smash against my toes.

Enough of the rambling! ON WITH THE SHOW!

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_**:CHAPTER FIVE: **_

**:OFF IN SPACE. BOOYAH.:**

"Gir! Gir, where are you?" Zim stomped around the living-quarters, waking up many sleeping soldiers as he stormed by. "GIR! Come to Zim! RIGHT NOW!" Of course, Gir did not come. He was in the cafeteria, busying himself by rolling in flour and trying to bake himself. Unsurprisingly, it wasn't working and he only succeeded in making a huge mess.

Zim gave up looking for Gir and stalked off to his room. The mechanical door slid open to reveal a large, spacious bedroom. The walls were unpainted and all sorts of wires and metal paneling stuck out, accenting the already labratory-like living area. He leapt onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling, realeasing a long pent-up sigh. Zim was exausted from piloting the ship all day and chasing after Gir. That little SIR unit sure was a load of trouble. As he relaxed on the fluffy satin comforter,(Only the best for Zim!) he sighed and closed his tired ruby eyes.

Just as he began to finally drift off into a deep slumber, he was startled by a loud siren!

'BREEEEEE! BREEEEEE! BREEEEEE!'

"Ugh..." Zim's eyelids fluttered open and he lazily slid off the bed. "If it's Gir licking the control panel again, I'm just gonna dissassemble him. That annoying little..." He quickly switched back to his usual ranting mode as he made his way towards the central control room.

But it wasn't Gir, not this time at least. When Zim glanced at the piloting screen, his eyes grew wide and a little cry escaped from his throat. He ran to another computer and scrambled to send a transmission. But before he could slam his gloved fist down on the red button, the computer screen immmediately lit up with a picture of a very distressed looking Dib.

"Zim! There's a problem!"

"Don't you think I know that you stupid human-beast?" Zim was angrier then normal this time.

"Hm, well if you know so much, maybe you could fill me in because the spaceship is freaking out and it's not gonna stop anytime soon." Dib smiled a little on the inside when Zim scowled at his remark.

"Hmpf, incompetant little...Ahem, okay, we've reached Venus' atmosphere-"

"Finally."

"HUSH UP! Okay, as I was _saying_, we've reached the atmosphere, but things are getting a little rocky. The ships probably won't be able to take much more of this constant pressure!"

"Well, what should we do? Can we steer out of the way?" Dib was begginning to look even paler than normal.

"I'm not entirely sure. Maybe-"

Zim was cut off once again, but this time by another warning siren. The room he was in filled with the red strobe-like flashing of the siren lights and the spaceship rumbled and swayed much more violently. Zim was knocked off his feet, but he soon caught his balance and ran over to another control panel. His hands were blurred with speed as he pressed random buttons and screemed with rage. The transmission to Dib's ship had already been terminated as all the other screens in the room fizzled out and went black.

Zim pulled at his antennia with frustration and broke out in a panicked sweat. "NOOOOOO! WE'RE GOING TO CRAAAASH!"

**:IN THE ENEMY SHIP:**

In a large room, full of computers and shady silhouettes, an air of tension has filled the area. One of the figures sitting at a computer station sprung from his chair, his sapphire eyes almost glowing in the computer screens' light.

"Commander! Something's happening!" He saluted and stood at attention facing a tall platform. The creature he saluted to was none other than the pale blue-skinned alien we had seen before. Larken. Or commander Larken as he preferred to be called. Stepping off the platform, he sighed, his long purple robes trailing behind.

"What is it now?"

By now the other alien was getting nervous. His pale violet skin began leaking a silvery sweat and his antennia were twitching wildly.

"Um, well, our ships have gotten closer to the planet scheduled for invasion to observe the surface, just like you ordered."

"Yes, and what else?"

"Weeeelll, the atmosphere seems to be, uh, d-dragging us in. Towards the planet, and uh, sp-spelling our ultimate doom and demise." He flinched as Larken raised his hand.

"Hm, don't worry. I'm not gonna hit ya. I'm just going to SCREAM AT YOU TILL YOU CRY!" He laughed a bit as the soldier squealed, but regained his serious stature. "Well, this is bad. But I seriously doubt our superior ships will be damged in any way. Even it we do crash, we'll still have all of our mighty technology, I'm not worried at all."

As Larken finished his sentence, all the computers and the already feeble lights shut off and a mighty screech was heard from the ship as it plunged downward. Straight into the planet below.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH! THIS IS NOT GOOOOOOOOOOD! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!"

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**:PLANET VENUS. A DEEP RAVINE:**

A cloud of smoke rose into the air and silence was abundant. The rolling hills and rocky landscape was similar to planet earth, but with an almost fantacy-like touch. A few tiny ship-like dots were half-buried in the dirt of a large ravine. A small antennia poked out of one of the smoldering spcecrafts. Soon, the little Irken tugged himself out of the cockpit and and rubbed his back. Zim surveyed the twisted hills of steel that was once upon a time a magnificent peice of Irken technology. He looked almost calm as he hopped to the ground.

"NOOOOOOOOOO! Why did this happen? WHYYYYYYYY?" Zim cried as he fell to his knees pounding the dusty earth with his fists. "NOOOO-OOOO-OOooooo. No no nonono. Nuh-uh. This can't be happening. NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-hff huhh-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

"Oh give it a rest!"

Zim stopped his screaming tirade and stood up. Dib stood before him, his jacket ripped and his scyth-like hair bent and mussed. Gaz walked up behind him, perfectly unharmed and drinking from a juice box.

"Well Zim, what do we do now? You're the commander!" Dib pointed at the collapsed walls of the ship behind him and frowned. "The ship almost imploded on me! You call _this_ advanced technology?"

Zim grinned evilly. "You're right, it must not have been working properly because you're still alive."

Dib grumbled but returned to buisness. "Sooooo, the ships are wrecked Zim! How do we get back now? And what about fighting the battle?"

"We'll just have to do it manually."

"What."

"I mean we'll have to fight on foot." Zim had a very serious look plastered across his features. No evil was there this time.

Dib stood, shocked. He almost lost his balance and fell backwards. "HOW ZIM? HOW! All the spare weapons we _did _have are all crushed! There's nothing to fight with!" Zim stared off into the distance. "We will need a scouting party. Maybe there's some sort of life on this smelly planet that we can get tools from. Repairs and tools are imperative to this mission. Dib, you round up some of your vile human-folk and I'll gather a few soldiers. The rest will stay here and fix the ships." He turned and looked at the rubble behind him. "Or whatever's left of them anyway."

Dib shook his head and ran off to obey orders. _'Wow, I'm taking orders from my enemy. This is getting really weird. And since when does Zim act so brave and heroic?'_ Dib stumbled over a stone but kept walking._ 'And why in the world would he ask me to go with him on the search party? Well, he didn't exactly ask, just sort of commanded me. Oh well!'_ He jogged the rest of the way to the farthest ship and smiled when he realized that he'd have a pain-from-Gaz-free day.

A few minutes later, Dib and his group of of fellow humans joined up with Zim. They nodded to each other and set off to scout the planet for whatever may be out there.

* * *

**:-TOOO BEEE CONTINUUEED!-:**

Well, how was it? I'd like some more replies! I _really _got carried away on this chapter, it was just so fun! I'm already working on the next one and I hope you like it as much as I do! I'm sorry, I know my attept at humor didn't work out too well, but I _did_ try. Ah well. R&R as always! See you next time!

P.S.: Oh, btw, hugs and love and lots of cash to those who've reviewed! Just ask me if ya want me to review your stories in a review on mine. I'll try to as soon as I can!


	6. Ch6 Turkey

Just a little note here: Okay. I failed to mention in that last chapter that Zim and everybody have those little oxygen-bubble thingies around their heads so that they can breath. I really needed to say that because I didn't want y'all ta think that they're all just suffocating and imploding on themselves. Oh, and yes, the atmosphere of Venus and the surface of the planet in my story is very unrealistic to the real thing. But hey, if Mars and Mercury can be spaceships, then Venus can be a safe habitat for aliens without them melting themselves.

Yeah, haven't been getting a lot of reviews. Is it my summary? Is it the story? Or is it the fact that it's not a ZaDR and everyone's already subcome to the insanity? I'm confused already.

**Disclaimer: Nothing of Invader Zim owning does I. Sad un-owning freak is me. Ya-Boo? Oh, I do own Larken, but I'm not good at developing characters, so if ya wanna steal him, it'll only ruin your story. Your choice!

* * *

**

_:Chapter six:_

**:SOMEWHERE ON VENUS:**

"Zim. ZIM! HEY ZIM!" Zim's eyes finally met Dib's.

"WHAT?"

"I've been trying to talk to you this whole time Zim! You're just walking around daydreaming!"

Dib jumped in front of Zim before he could walk away again. "Where are we going? We've been searching for hours and I feel like I've already walked around this stupid planet twenty times!" He kicked at the sand and rubbed the back of his head as Zim silently strode away. _"Maybe I should'nt have been so harsh. Zim really is trying hard to find us some weapons."_ Dib shook his head of those thoughts._ "No. He's my enemy, not a friend to feel sorry for."_ With that, Dib was content and walked after Zim.

He really seemed to be in a bad mood lately. Or was this a good mood for Zim? Who could ever know _but_ Zim? At least Gir was acting normal, well, not exactly normal but you know what I mean. He had been instructed to stay back with the ships, but Gir decided to just be Gir and ignore that. It seems he had taken a liking to Dib's head and insisted on following him around.

After what seemed like hours of walking, Zim finally broke the silence. Probably because he and Dib had gone ahead of the others and no one was in earshot of their impending conversation.

"Dib?"

"Hmm?" He seemed a little startled by the sudden stir in the quiet.

"Thanks."

Dib almost tripped over his own legs.

"WHAT?"

"Just, thanks. I mean, for helping and all."

"Wow! I've never heard you say anything like that!"

"DON'T rub it in! I only thought the best thing to do in this situation was to be grateful. Besides, with all these stupid humans hanging around, you're really the only one inteligent enough to talk to." Zim walked ahead a bit more and returned to the silence.

"Yeah, thank you too Zim. I guess..."

"Oh, and dib,"

"What?"

"Watch out for that really big rock."

"Huh-OW!"

Dib ran smack into the boulder and Zim ran off laughing. As he stood up and wiped off some of the dirt, Dib chased after Zim screaming and waving his arms in frustration.

"ZIIIIIM!"

* * *

**:SOMEWHERE ELSE ON VENUS:**

On the opposite side of the planet, an angry blue-skinned alien crawled out from uner a collapsed doorway. He growled as thirty or fourty guards came rushing to his aid.

"Sir! I think the ship has crashed!"

"Oh really? What could have possibly made you think that?" Larken mumbled. "Hmpff, now help me up."

"Yes Sir!"

He stood up and pushed aside some soldiers. "Someone! Give me a status report of the damage!" Suddenly, a large amount of gloved hands shot out at him, all holding detailed reports and other papers.

"Hm, yes. Well, it's not too bad. We still have enough supplies to fix our ships, but the transmission with the armada is shot." Larken rubbed his chin in thought. "It shouldn't be a problem though. Master Dashwitat will be with us soon and then we'll have nothing to worry about!"

"But, Sir, the battle!"

"HUSH! We will prepare as soon as possible!" Larken struck a dramatic pose and attracted the many stares from the crewmembers. "Well? What are you all waiting for?"

"YES SIR!"

* * *

**:BACK WITH ZIM AND DIB:**

They were still walking and searching for something, anything really. But so far all they had seen was desert and sand and lots of rocks.A very boring landscape indeed.

"Ugh, there's nothing out here. I'm starting to think that we should just give-"

"Hey! Look at that!" Dib cried from behind Zim. "It's a cave!"

"No need to state the obvious, Dib. But yeah, that _is_ a cave." Dib ignored the comment and excitedly ran towards the cave.

"C'mon everybody! We might find something to use in here!" The scouting party followed him in with Zim reluctantly trailing behind.

"You don't really think you're goning to find anything in-" Zim stopped short in his tracks along with the others, eyes wide and mouth agape at the treasure within the cave. It was filled with an enormous stash of weapons and armor, and they had the luck to happen upon it.

Zim walked over to Dib and stood, still shocked at thier lucky findings. "It was probably a storage spot for the previous inhabitants of this planet. I wonder why they abandoned it? Well, let's pick out our weapons!" Zim smiled and ran towards a pile of sharp axes.

"I found a really big axe!" He smiled and swung it around a bit, almost lopping off Dib's scythe-like hair.

But Dib was too occupied to notice. He stared at a huge, golden sword that seemed to almost glow in the midst of the other weapons. It's handle was intricately carved and was studded with beautiful emeralds.

He ran to it, and past it only to leap into another pile of treasures. When he came to the surface he held a less impressive sword sbove his head and beamed with pride. Out of nowhere, a little horn tooted and some confetti flew around him.

"I think were're ready." The rest of the team had selected their weapons and armor, and then hurried to collect more to bring back to the others. Zim and Dib carried back some stuff to the entrance of the cave and began the treck back to the ships.

* * *

**Continued To Be!**

_Well, how'd ya like it? It seemed really short, I know. But I acomplished my goal for this chapter and I'm ready to start the next! Read and Review as always._

_P.S.-Tell your friends! I need reviews! (For absolutely NO reason whatsoever.)_


	7. Ch7 Giant Boot

Dang! I really feel like writing something sad! Grrrr, it's really wierd. But I'm not gonna. I'm just going to stick with my original idea and keep on going. Aren't you all happy now? YAY!

Okay, well whatever. It took me a while to figure this chapter out and after listening to 'I'm Not Okay' by My Chemical Romance a few million times, I finally got inspired! But the chapter has NOTHING to do with the song. It's wierd and complicated like that with me. I mean, this entire fic was inspired by 'American Idiot'! That's just wierd!

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Invader Zim. That's Jhonen's property, not mine. But whatever, I'm allowed to have fantacies about owning it if everyone else can. I'M NOT INSANE! Okay, maybe I am...**

**

* * *

:BACK AT CAMP:**

Gaz picked through some of the weapons that Zim, Dib, adn the others had brought back. She frowned and scratched her head, none of the weapons seemed to suit her.

"Dib! These weapons are so lame! Don't you have anything else?" She whined.

"Gaz, I'm sorry that our hard work isn't good enough, but you'll just have to stick with what we have." Dib sighed and turned to hand out another sword to a passerby without any weapons. Just then his eyes widened and he whipped around to face his sister.

"What a second! No sister of mine is going to go to battle or handle a big weapon! It's way too dangerous!"

Gaz smirked and her tiny fist trembled, her eyes narrowing.

"DIB! IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU CRY SO HARD YOU'LL NEVER FORGET IT!"

Dib shrank back in fear. "Worse than _last_ time?"

"WAY worse!"

Dib grimaced and handed her a pile of armor and a large staff. "Here, J-Just be careful. A-And make S-Sure you use the weapons right. Don't hurt yourself."

Gaz replied by whirling the staff around back and forth between her hands just like a pro. She growled at him once more and stalked off, still waving around the staff. And knocking a few others in the heads causing them to pass out.

Dib watched her leave and rubbed his shoulder nervously. "I just want her to be safe..."

He looked away from where his sister had disappeared and went back to handing out more weapons.

* * *

Zim looked around at the group of assorted Irkens and Humans that just stood around, conversing between their own species. He noticed that they all stood in groups away from the others. The Irkens on one side and the Humans on the other.

"This could be a problem..."

He watched them mumble amongst themselves and point at the other sidwe of the field they stood around. Zim was supposed to be training them to use their weapons in this field, but it wasn't going to well. The Irkens and the humans just wouldn't move or talk to each other, in fact, they avoided each other like they had the plague.

Zim rubbed his head and gathered up some of his courage. He shouted as loud as he could and ran to the front of the crowd.

"HEY! YES, I'M TALKING TO YOU! PAY ATTENTION!"

Zim smiled when they all turned around and stared.

"I want you all to spread apart! NOW! Come on, move around and mix together!" No one budged.

But Zim kept it up. "I SAID, MOVE!" And this time, he not only shouted, but he screamed, a loud LOUD scream that almost shattered Dib's glasses even though he was much farther away.

Zim smiled once again as he watched the Irkens and humans scramble around, trying to stand by one of the other species, just so they would'nt have to hear that ear-shattering scream again. And once everyone had settled down, Zim did what he did best, shout orders. And for once, somebody listened and obeyed.

They stepped into formations and followed patterns for different attacks. No one dropped a weapon, no one complained, and no one dared to step out of line. According to Zim, all was going well.

**:ENEMY CAMPGROUNDS:**

Larken angrily paced back and forth. He growled every time one of the soldiers passed by and they quickly scurried off in fear. None of them knew why they followed his orders, they just did.

I guess you could say it was because of their fear, of their new leader anyway. Well, dictator would be more sufficient. Lord Deshwitat was NOT a kindly ruler. In fact, he was probably the crulest being in the entire universe, no question about it. He had some kind of power over these creatures, and it terrified them to the core.

But, surprisingly, the little aliens felt at comfort here, on this lone planet. It was odd, but even Larken could tell how different they felt being stranded there. It seemed that something was different sbout being on this planet called Venus by the humans. No one was sure why, not even the aliens themselves, but it did not matter. At least, not at the moment.

**:TRAINING GROUNDS:**

Zim sat at a makeshift picnic table eating his dinner. Training was done for the day and he felt he should eat something since he had skipped lunch to search for those supplies. He didn't look up as Dib and Gaz sat down at the same table.

They ate in silence for a while, and then Dib hesitantly spoke up.

"So, uh..."

He was interrupted by Gaz, "Shut up Dib."

"...okay..."

He wasn't in the mood for argueing that night. He hadalready busted his lungs out yelling at Zim for the day. Earlier that day, Dib and Zim had been salvaging what they could from the wreckage of the ships. They were surprised to find an entire set of supplies and armor perfectly intact. But Zim took posession of it _all_. He claimed that _his_ race and himself needed it more, or rather, _deserved_ it as he had put it. Of course, Dib wasn't too impressed by the idea. Zim beat him to the punch once again, and Dib decided he could'nt do much to change that, at least, not _this_ time.

Zim was the first to finish his meal and he cleared his trash away from the table, all the while he stared downward. Not once did he look up to meet the other two's gaze. Dib just watched as Zim

walked off to his makeshift cabin in the distance.

--

Zim slumped over on his bed and stared at the purple-wrapped box in his hands. He moved it around in his fingers and lifted a hand to the lid. Zim carefully placed the top of the box on his left and removed some of the delicate tussue paper. He sadly smiled as his eyes traced over the shape within the box, it was no surprise to him though. He'd opened this box many times before now, but it had still been quite a while since he had tried it on.  
Zim placed a gloved hand over the smooth metal surface of the gift. When he lifted the item up to his face it glimmered in the moonlight shining from behind him. As he looked closer he could see the finely crafted switches and buttons that ran along it's curved surface. The two metallic plugs with which wires could contract into also shone as if they were ethereal, almost magical.

The magnificent piece of technology was, in fact, a communicator of sorts. But much more advanced than the standard issue for Irken Invaders. No, this was only for the Irken Elite and here Zim was, wearing it proudly around his head. Just like a real soldier.

Zim began to quietly recite the description of it's purpose by heart, for he excitedly memorized it once he had obtained the machine.

_"The Communaut 3000, otherwise known as: THE ULTIMATE SOURCE. The Communaut 3000 holds within many of the same features you will find in any standard PAK or computer guidence system. It contains an upgradable intellagence module that is compatable with most information sources and already comes equipt with complete knowledge of fourteen different planets conquered by the IRKEN EMPIRE!"_

Zim stopped there and gently pulled off the _Communaut_ and placed it back in the purple box. Tapping the lid shut, he slowly dropped the box into one of the hidden pockets in his Pak. Then, turning over on his side, he drifted into a weary sleep. But he never noticed the tag that had fallen from that box and onto the floor. The moonlight shimmered off the glossy white surface and revealed the writing on the tag.

To: Zim  
From: Your freind, Desh

**

* * *

ToOo-BeEe-ContinuedDd**

Well, I really hope you liked this chapter. I know, there really has been a HUGE lack of humor and because of this, I think I might be losing readers! Lol, whatever. Anyway, I've been trying to add some suspense and mystery to the story, there will be some big surprises in the future! Well, I spent a lot of time trying to explain the _Communaut 3000_ because of a request of a friend of mine, I hope it sounds good!  
Oh, btw, for those of you who have been wondering about the previous inhabitants of the planet, you'll just have to wait and see as I reveal another secret later on! I DID NOT FORGET ABOUT THEM! They actually play a big part in the story.

Well, I really hope you liked this chapter. I know, there really has been a HUGE lack of humor and because of this, I think I might be losing readers! Lol, whatever. Anyway, I've been trying to add some suspense and mystery to the story, there will be some big surprises in the future! Well, I spent a lot of time trying to explain the because of a request of a friend of mine, I hope it sounds good!Oh, btw, for those of you who have been wondering about the previous inhabitants of the planet, you'll just have to wait and see as I reveal another secret later on! I DID NOT FORGET ABOUT THEM! They actually play a big part in the story. 

**Preview:** Zim and Dib find an unexpected member of the crew and are'nt too happy about it. Meanwhile, Lord Deshwitat pays Larken and the others a little visit. R&R!


	8. Ch8 Doom Trampoline

Oh yeah. I'm so awesome. FINALLY A NEW CHAPTER! Ugh, it's taken FOREVER but I've been in a long-term funk so please forgive me. ;

Well, here ya go! The next fun-filled and action-packed episode of 'BATTLES UNITED'! Buy, that just sounds so lame.

**DISCLAIMER**: Um…I don't own any of the characters from Invader Zim. Bleh. I'm getting tired of making up these.

* * *

**:THE CAMPGROUNDS:**

Dib strolled around the campgrounds nearing the entrance to one of the half-wrecked ships. The day had gone pretty well and everyone had taken a nice break from the rigorous weapons usage and training sessions. He was on his way to take a little nap before lunch and maybe wash up. The planet was pretty dusty and dirt got kicked up no matter were you went, getting grimy was your destiny if you even took one step outside.

Once Dib approached the nearest cabin door he stopped to wipe some of the dust off his boots. That was a big mistake, escape was not an option now.

A loud, ear-splitting screech came from down the hall, causing Dib to whirl around in surprise. His eyes bulged and his jaw dropped at the horrid site that greeted him.

"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIB!"

Dib began furiously twisting at his doorknob, trying to get it to turn. It didn't budge so he began to pound on it harder.

"Oh no."

A figure with bright red hair and a huge smile spread across his face slammed into Dib, knocking them both to the ground.

"No! IT CAN'T BE!"

Dib shrank back in horror as the person before him stood up and held out a hand to help him up.

"Keef."

--

"Heya Dib! I wondered when I'd finally run into ya!"

Dib sighed and rested his back against the wall. _'So much for a good day...'_

"I've been trying to talk to you, but everytime I came close, I either got pushed away, tripped, punched, or mauled by your sister! She really seems to like doing that!"

Keef said all of this with that same goofy smile he always had. Even as he retold the most devastating events of his past weeks, that happy expression never left his face, it seemed to be plastered all over his entire being.

"Uh, yeah. Keef, I really should be going. I'm kinda tired and….."

Dib was cut off as his annoying acquaintance blabbered on about absolutely nothing of interest to even the most avid of listeners. While Keef kept at it, dib slowly snuck past the door and into his sanctuary. He could still hear the muffled sounds of talking from outside the room as he reached for the small communicator he had been assigned.

"Hello?"

An angry voice answered from the other line. It was Zim and he was annoyed that someone would call him while he was resting. I mean, how DARE they interrupt Zim?

"Zim, we've got a big problem-"

"DIB? WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME? I'M TRYING TO RELAX!"

"Zim, it's-"

"C'MON! I HAVEN"T BOTHERED YOU ALL DAY!"

Dib sighed as he was interrupted by the angry alien's ranting once again.

"Be quiet Zim! It's-"

"Be quiet? BE QUIET? WELL I-"

"ZIM! It's Keef."

As once as Dib got those words in, the other line quickly became silent. A long awkward pause followed before the conversation continued.

"No…."

"I'm sorry Zim."

"IT CAN'T BE!"

"It is."

"NOOOO!"

"I just saw him Zim. What are we going to do?"

"What do you think? We'll destroy him of course!" Zim cackled evilly over the communicator.

"Uh, no. I don't think that's a good idea. Let's just, convince him to be one of the scouters! They usually get lost very easily. Especially if they're really REALLY stupid." Dib smiled and waited for Zim's response.

"Isn't that the same as my plan?"

"Not really."

There was another moment of silence.

"Are you sure we can't just blow his head off?" Zim followed this by making several 'exploding' noises.

"Yes, I'm sure."

Zim sighed and ended the conversation with a simple goodbye. No exploding heads for him. Well, not today at least. He climbed into his soft bed and fell asleep accompanied by the lovely sounds of 'Dream-Dib's' head bursting into tiny pieces.

* * *

**:ENEMY CAMPGROUNDS:**

"Sir? Sir! Please Sir! The master his here!" One of Larken's men begged nervously.

The lowly troop was answered by a swipe to his chest. He fell to the ground and quickly scrambled up to meet his commander's eyes. Eyes that were filled with anger, hatred and a burning ferocity.

"WHAT have I told you about WAKING ME UP during one of MY NAPS?" Larken screemed, his voice rising intervals above any other.

The poor soldier quivered in fear, but answered all the same. "Sir, I'm sorry Sir. It's just that, well, the master is here and-"

"QUIT YOUR BABBLING!" Larken snarled.

The troop looked down and sighed. "Yes sir."

Larken paced around his chambers and mumbled to himself. (A/N: That lucky dog! He has _chambers_ where Dib and Zim get crappy little rooms!) He suddenly stopped and summoned the soldier to his side with a wave of his clawed hand.

"Wait, did you say….the Master is here?"

The soldier nodded.

"THE master? Lord Deshwitat?"

"Yes sir, that master." The soldier nodded to the entrance way. "He is waiting to speak with you in the main hall."

With that, the soldier left the room at top speed as Larken began a whirlwind of preparations for Master Deshwitat and his men. Aliens. Troops. Whatever.

Deshwitat grumbled while sitting in his large throne.

"I HATE waiting." Deshiwitat sent out an aura of pure darkness. It turned the air stale as the darkness wafted through the room, darkening every corner or the huge reception hall. The troops that surrounded him shrank back in fear from the ever-growing dark power.

Larken finally stepped in front of the oversized hall doors. He pushed open the dark, intricately carved doors open and stepped into the looming darkness.

* * *

_**AUTHORS NOTE:** Well, I really tried to make this chapter funnier. (It didn't work did it.) Well, yeah. No one's gonna read this anyway, lol. Blahde dah dee dahdahdaaah. Yep. Um. Yeah. I hope you liked it!_

**Preview:Larken discusses the battle's course and tactics with Larken and more of Zim's secrets are revealed.**


	9. Ch9 Puppy Helmet

**HOLY SHEEEEEEEZ!!! It's been, what, a year since I've updated!? Myabe even two. Well. Here ya go. Another chapter. Although I'm SUPER sure no one's reading anymore. Comment and tell me if you have been. . Please contact me if this chapter has offended you in any way and I'll be sure to send you more offensive sutff.**

**Thanks for reading.  
**

**Chapter 9: Puppy Helmet**

**THE THRONE ROOM**

Larken kneeled down in front of the huge throne that loomed far above him. His robes clung to his sweaty flesh as he anxiously waited for his master to begin their conversation. A pair of luminous blue eyes hung in the daunting shadows, closely resembling two ghostly moons brightening a starless sky, only much less innocent. Those eyes held a sinister malevolence that burned into the very soul of any creature who dared to stare back. Those eyes, those haunting eyes. They suddenly blinked once. Twice. And then Larken's master began to speak.

"So, how have things been going while I was away Larken? I trust everything is running smoothly." There was a pause before Lord Deshwitat continued speaking. "You haven't some across any _trouble_ have you?"

Larken shivered with every word his master had spoken. Something seemed different about him today. More…...sinister.

"No my lord. Our plans to attack the enemy's camp are still set to begin within three days, just like you ordered master."

Something in the shadows moved slightly and a silvery object whizzed past Larken, only grazing his pale cheek. He trembled somewhat, but remained motionless, still kneeling.

"Yes master?"

A serene and relaxed voice as gentle as silk answered. "That is not what I ordered my dear little slave. I said for you to kill them all as soon as possible."

"But master! My troops are not ready, we still need to repair our weaponry! We can't fight them without our ships operational!" Another glimmer of light soared across the room and sliced his robes, staining them crimson.

The voice was not as friendly this time. "Then fight on your feet! You and your soldiers should be prepared enough to battle on the land, just like your ancestors! Do you dare challenge my authority?"

Larken still kneeled patiently before his master and replied. "No my lord. I obey only you."

"…….Fine then. We attack tomorrow. No exceptions." Lord Deshwitat waved his hand towards his loyal commander. "You are dismissed."

Larken stood and bowed before swiftly marching to the exit. The faster the better to escape this prison-like room of death.

--

**Back at camp**

"FWHEEEEEHEEHEEHEE!!!! I'm on fire! It burns! YAAAY!!!" Gir ran ablaze throughout the camp knocking into several soldiers and lighting them up too. Zim stood chuckling atop a small hill and watched the flaming mass of Irken and human soldiers. His laughter was cut short as he was shoved forward and rolled down the length of the hill.

"Bwahahaha!! Don't get too comfortable Zim! We're at war here; You need to watch your back. _Always._" Dib slipped away, still giggling.

Zim rubbed his head and sat up. He grumbled and began tracing pictures of a creepy monkey in the dusty earth. "Stupid, filthy, vile human…..I'll scoop out his innards and fill him with….with….PUDDING! Yes…..pudding……Oh, that's good."

"Pudding?"

"Yes, pudding."

"I don't really like pudding."

"Well, maybe I could fill him up with gelatin or someth- HEY! Who asked you!?" Zim whipped his head around and scowled.

Keef stood grinning like an idiot rocking back and forth on his heels. "Actually, gelatin sounds good!" He rubbed his tummy like he was hungry.

Zim stood up slowly and punched Keef in the stomach.

"That's okay buddy! cough Keep brainstorming about the pudding or gelatin or whatever! I'll see ya!" Keef smiled again before he fell on his face.

--

Zim stormed away from the idiot boy. He kicked at a rock , sending it flying. It knocked into something metallic.

"GIR! Where have you been?"

Gir giggled. "I been makin' pudding!"

"What is it with pudding today?" Zim shrugged and trotted away to his cabin room.

"doo de doot doo dooooo……" Gir danced around a little in a drunken fashion, not much unlike most of the celebrities you see out there. He suddenly stopped and looked down at his feet. There lay the rock that Zim had kicked. Gir picked it up and petted it.

"I WUB you widdle Rock-fishmonkeypizzacarrotdude!!" He snickered giddily and hugged the rock close. "C'mon! We's gonna have us an adventure! CORN!!"

He turned around and bumped into Dib. They stared and each other for a long moment before Gir ran away screaming his head off.

"Hmmmmokay..." Dib was carrying the medium-sized sword he had found earlier in the cave. He swung it through the air gently with little effort. Despite looking heavy, it was actually very lightweight. He tried a more complicated move that he had seen in one of Gaz's videogames. He tripped clumsily and fell hard, not unlike a drunkard wheeling in an allyway. Hard and fast. But almost in slow motion. And wet. Sometimes it's wet….you know, from rain? I hear it rains in alleyways.

" Okay,….that didn't work. It just hurt. And why is the ground wet? I'm not in some alleyway or anything."

--

**UNKNOWN RAVINE ON VENUS NEAR IRKEN/HUMAN CAMP**

"YEEEEAH! AWESOME HAPPY ADVENTURE TIIIIME!!!!" Gir twirled in circles with his arms outstretched holding the rock. He had drawn a face on it and it was now very happy looking.

Keef had been watching this go on for quite some time. A couple of hours or so anyway. He was jovially clapping and laughing right along with Gir.

"Can I play with Winkle Fairydust Stalin the Rock-Fishmonkeypizzacarrot dude now?"

"NO!" Gir roared in a raspy voice, eyes red.

"Okie dokie!"

Gir sniffed a yellow cactus-like plant, still holding the smiling rock.

"How 'bout now?"

"OKAY!!" Gir pelted Winkle Fairydust Stalin at Keef's stupid head. He caught it in his eye quite expertly.

"Great throw!" Keef jumped up and down cradling Mr. Winkle Stalin whose face seemed to be predominately frowning.

"What adventure we shall have little Winkle buddy!"

--

**What adventures **_**indeed**_** Mr. Winkle?**

Well now, that wasn't too bad now was it? Okay. It downright sucked. I don't care. TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR MORE OF THE ACTUAL PLOT AND GIR, KEEF, AND MR. WINKLE FAIRYDUST STALIN'S AWESOME ADVENTURES!!


End file.
